


Felicitation

by GloriaMundi



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Disney, Community: au_bingo, Crack, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format, Talking Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-27
Updated: 2011-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:54:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriaMundi/pseuds/GloriaMundi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which everyone's a cartoon animal and there are happy endings for all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Felicitation

EXT. WOODLAND GLADE, DAY. Cheerful music, heavy on the woodwind. The wood is colourful with flowers and buzzing with bees. Sunlight slants through the branches, where a few bluebirds are sunning themselves, fluffing their feathers et cetera. They watch as a GOLDEN LABRADOR, followed by a WOLF and a large black CAT, enter the glade.

SAITO (the WOLF)  
Fischer needs help. As lord of the forest, I command you to do what you can.

COBB (the LABRADOR)  
How can I help anybody? My heart broke when Mal died.

[He stares across the sunny glade into the shadows, where a GHOST-LABRADOR watches him with BIG SAD EYES. This is MAL]

SAITO  
Fischer is completely lost without his father. Only you and your friends can save him from making a terrible mistake.

[SAITO laughs, showing a great many sharp white teeth]

ARTHUR (the CAT)  
Why would Fischer listen to us? He doesn't even know us. We're not his friends.

[A cute fluffy BUNNYRABBIT pops up from behind a tree-trunk]

ARIADNE (the BUNNYRABBIT )  
I'll be his friend!

[in the shadows, the GHOST-LABRADOR bares her teeth at the BUNNYRABBIT]

COBB  
How can we persuade him to change his mind?

SAITO  
He'll be much happier if he does. And he'll live longer, too.

[SAITO laughs again, and lopes off into the forest. He doesn't see the GHOST-LABRADOR]

COBB (to ARIADNE)  
Hello! Will you be our friend too?

ARIADNE (to COBB and ARTHUR)  
Of course! And I can help! I'm very helpful!

ARTHUR  
Oh good. What fun we'll have!

COBB  
But we can't have fun. For one thing, I'm ... very very sad! And for two thing, I'm ... er …  
[COBB SQUINTS at ARTHUR]

ARTHUR  
You're going to help Fischer _stop_ being sad.

COBB  
Yeah. That.

ARTHUR  
How, exactly?

COBB  
I, er ...

ARIADNE  
I'll help!

[The GHOST-LABRADOR huffs exasperatedly, pads silently into the forest and vanishes between the trees]

COBB  
I know! We should ask Eames!

ARTHUR  
Eames? But ... we can't trust him.

COBB  
Nonsense!

ARTHUR  
And he's far away on the other side of the wood.

COBB  
I'll go and get him.

ARTHUR  
And … and he smells funny.

COBB  
Arthur, do you have a problem with Eames?

ARTHUR  
Who, me? Of course not!

COBB  
Right. Fine.

COBB puts his nose to the ground, sniffs several times, and trots off busily. ARTHUR and ARIADNE look at each other.

ARTHUR  
Errrr … Nice weather for the time of year, isn't it?

ARIADNE [hopping around ARTHUR, who swivels his head to watch her]  
It's lovely! I'm so happy!

BLUEBIRD #1  
Don't they make a lovely pair?

BLUEBIRD #2  
He's such a handsome fellow, and she's so cute and big-eyed!

BLUEBIRD #3  
And cats never _ever_ eat bunny-rabbits!

COBB bounces into the clearing. (Clearly 'the other side of the wood' isn't very far away. It's a small wood, okay?) Behind him are a RACCOON and a FOX.

YUSUF (the RACCOON)  
Hey guys! I found some magic berries that will make Fischer believe whatever we tell him!

ARTHUR  
Great. And what exactly _are_ we going to tell him?

EAMES (the FOX)  
Have a little faith, Arthur.

ARTHUR  
Faith won't get us far.

ARIADNE  
Who is this guy, Arthur? And why are you arguing with him?

EAMES [grinning at ARIADNE with even more teeth than SAITO]  
Oh, you're a tasty little thing.

ARIADNE  
Eeep!

COBB  
None of that. Eames, you need to find Fischer and make friends.

ARIADNE  
Let me do that I want to do that I can --

COBB  
Ariadne, you can't make friends the way that Eames makes friends. Nobody can make friends like Eames.

ARTHUR  
(aside) Make them _up_ , you mean. (to COBB) Saito said he'd make sure Fischer found us. He should be here any moment.

[There is a distant crashing in the forest. After a moment a wild-eyed young FAWN, all gangly legs and big eyes, staggers into the clearing, looking around himself wildly.]

FISCHER (the FAWN)  
What -- why --

EAMES, mimicking FISCHER's body language  
Don't worry, you're safe here. We're your _friends_.

[FISCHER is not convinced]

YUSUF  
Here, you look hungry: have these berries!

[FISCHER eats the berries]

COBB  
Your father was a great leader.

ARTHUR  
Yes, a great leader. You must be proud to be his son.

FISCHER  
Proud. Yes. I must be.

EAMES  
But you can't live your life in his shadow.

FISCHER  
... in his shadow ...

ARIADNE  
You have to make new friends!

FISCHER to ARIADNE (think Bambi and Thumper)  
Will _you_ be my friend?

ARIADNE  
Of course I will!

COBB  
I know it's hard to let go of the past.

[the GHOST LABRADOR appears in the forest, walking silently toward the group. She treads on some flowers and they wither instantly.]

ARTHUR  
But the sooner you let go, the better. [he catches sight of the GHOST LABRADOR: his tail bristles up and he hisses]

ARIADNE  
You have to let go of what's gone and hold on to what you've got!

BLUEBIRD CHORUS  
Let's hang on to what we've got  
Don't let go, 'cause we've got a lot  
Got a lot of love between us  
Hang on hang on hang on  
To what we've --  
[ARTHUR hisses at the bluebirds, who instantly stop singing]

EAMES [setting himself between the GHOST LABRADOR and COBB]  
Yes, it's very important to be your own person, and not cling onto the past.  
[he gives COBB a long hard look]

COBB  
You're right. I have to move on. Will you be my friends? All of you?

EAMES [sidling up to COBB and using the same mannerisms as the GHOST LABRADOR, who growls at him]  
Of course we will! [swats ARTHUR with his tail] Won't we, Arthur?

ARTHUR  
Er -- Yes! Of course we will!

YUSUF  
(to FISCHER) I'll be your friend! (to COBB) and yours! Here, have some berries!

ARIADNE [bouncing]  
I love my new friends!

FISCHER  
I can let go of the past and be my own person with a little help from my friends!

BLUEBIRD CHORUS  
Yeah, you get by with a little help from your friends,  
You get high with a little help from your --

[ARTHUR snarls at them, and they shut up and fly away]

COBB  
If Fischer can do it, so can I! I'll let go of my grief and live in the moment!

[the GHOST-LABRADOR -- who ARTHUR has been staring at, because cats do that -- huffs, and fades away on the spot. At the same moment, across the clearing, SAITO appears]

SAITO  
So, Cobb, you've let go of your past?

[COBB nods eagerly]

SAITO  
And, Fischer, you've decided not to follow in your father's footsteps?

[FISCHER nods]

SAITO  
Then my work's done! (aside) and I'm still king of the forest!

EAMES (to ARTHUR)  
Cobb's sorted, Fischer's his own person, Ariadne --

[they both turn to look at ARIADNE, who is bouncing around merrily as YUSUF picks more magic berries from a handy bush. COBB and FISCHER are chasing one another in circles, watched by an imperious SAITO.]

EAMES  
This could be the beginning of several beautiful friendships.  
[he turns away]

ARTHUR (to EAMES)  
Yeah ... Let's blow this joint.

[EAMES looks at ARTHUR and grins. ARTHUR grins back. They trot purposefully off into the forest. MUSIC SWELLS, END CREDITS]

 **AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER**


End file.
